Regret, the one word or concept that holds me at ransom.

Realisation that i was not equipped for all of my past. How then, does one prepare for life? What are the benchmarks for preparedeness?

Questions to which i fear, the answers, should they exist, are beyond my faculties.

What then can one do? Nothing! By nature and by a design none can fathom, life does not do nothing. The dynamism of all we experience even without thinking, tells me that i need not think about what needs to be done. It is already happening!

Back to the matter at hand…regret. Judgement of past behaviour by the rules gained through such behaviour.

Loki : If you're going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena.
Thanos : Well, if you consider failure experience.
Loki : I consider experience, experience

In reflecting about the past it seems clear that it served to get one to the present (future’s past). Do with the present what you will. Do it willingly and do it well.